Showing posts with label nightmares. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nightmares. Show all posts
Monday, July 28, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
And the Lord Said, "Let there be Assault Rifles"
Everyone's been posting on the Oklahoma church that was planning to give away an assault rifle as a prize at a youth event. I guess I should take a swing. I actually think it's a great idea of outside of the box evangelistic thinking. Along similar lines, if the Promise Keepers would hold a Vegas rally with free prostitutes they'd be relevant again. Free Meth at New Life in Colorado Springs? Joel Osteen giving out a thousand free stolen Rolexes? I'd assume this is what Jesus meant with his command to St. Peter to "Feed my Sheep".
My favorite line from the video on the link above: "Our primary targets (ominous pause) are the young people".
My favorite line from the video on the link above: "Our primary targets (ominous pause) are the young people".
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Welcome To My Nightmare
I've never really told many people this, maybe 3 or 4 people tops, but I frequently have nightmares. It's not that I'm ashamed or feel weird about it, it's just not a topic that comes up in conversation often. (I mean, if you really want to hear about the dream I had where I was getting chased by cobras I'll tell you.) The amount varies from week to week but the average is somewhere around 3 or 4 nights a week I have a bad one. The weird thing is, every time I have one I wake up with an erection that won't go away until I murder a prostitute. Okay, that's not true. The actual weird thing is that I only have them when I sleep on my back.
Maybe I shouldn't say "weird". It may be normal to have nightmares when one is sleeping on one's back. I wouldn't know because I didn't take the time to read this Wiki article on the subject. If you're really interested you can read it and then tell me about it. At any rate, I have nightmares whenever I sleep on my back. Sometimes I'm falling, sometimes I'm being attacked and, on mercifully rare occasions, I'm James Brolin on he and Babs' honeymoon night!
The most recent nightmare I've had was actually last night and it was totally effed up. I don't remember the whole thing but I still remember the money shot vividly. The gist of it was this: I was staying overnight at my parents' house and I wasn't allowed to sleep in my old bedroom. Instead they informed me that I would be sleeping in their basement. (If you've seen my parents' basement you know it's scary enough as is; they have about 30 cats that all stay down there in the winter.) In the dream the basement was a fairly accurate representation of reality, the ground was filthy and there was cat crap all over the place. To top it off I was given only a sleeping bag and pillow to protect me from the feces.
Now here comes the good part. I went to bed for the night and that was that. The dream picked up the next morning with me waking up to find I was covered in GIANT FREAKING CENTIPEDES!!!
The nasty little bugs were crawling all over me and, as if that weren't bad enough, some of them had dug there filthy little bug legs into my flesh! I remember sitting up and ripping them off me, screaming in terror. I swear to you that I can still feel how panicked I was and what it felt like to rip their legs out of my skin. At some point Mom and Dad came down to the basement and I began screaming at them about being covered in bugs. Their reply? "So, what's the big deal? The cats do fine down here."
At that point I woke up, still panicked and still grabbing at invisible bugs. It only took a moment to realize how stupid I must look to my cats and then I calmed down. I don't get freaked out easily but that damn nightmare got to me. I spent all day swatting at my legs and arms because I thought I felt things crawling on me. I felt like I normally do when I forget to do a speedball in the morning! Jokes about drug abuse aside, I still have the heebie-jeebies. I couldn't even bring myself to soak in my bathtub leech farm tonight!
And on that note I'm going to conclude this blog. I'm pretty tired so I think I'm going to go to bed and not fall asleep on my back again. Pleasant dreams all. Try and make sure you don't think about bugs while you're going to bed tonight. Leeches, leeches, leeches, spiders, bugs, snakes, Barbara Streisand's vagina. Haha, suckers!
Maybe I shouldn't say "weird". It may be normal to have nightmares when one is sleeping on one's back. I wouldn't know because I didn't take the time to read this Wiki article on the subject. If you're really interested you can read it and then tell me about it. At any rate, I have nightmares whenever I sleep on my back. Sometimes I'm falling, sometimes I'm being attacked and, on mercifully rare occasions, I'm James Brolin on he and Babs' honeymoon night!
The most recent nightmare I've had was actually last night and it was totally effed up. I don't remember the whole thing but I still remember the money shot vividly. The gist of it was this: I was staying overnight at my parents' house and I wasn't allowed to sleep in my old bedroom. Instead they informed me that I would be sleeping in their basement. (If you've seen my parents' basement you know it's scary enough as is; they have about 30 cats that all stay down there in the winter.) In the dream the basement was a fairly accurate representation of reality, the ground was filthy and there was cat crap all over the place. To top it off I was given only a sleeping bag and pillow to protect me from the feces.
Now here comes the good part. I went to bed for the night and that was that. The dream picked up the next morning with me waking up to find I was covered in GIANT FREAKING CENTIPEDES!!!
The nasty little bugs were crawling all over me and, as if that weren't bad enough, some of them had dug there filthy little bug legs into my flesh! I remember sitting up and ripping them off me, screaming in terror. I swear to you that I can still feel how panicked I was and what it felt like to rip their legs out of my skin. At some point Mom and Dad came down to the basement and I began screaming at them about being covered in bugs. Their reply? "So, what's the big deal? The cats do fine down here."
At that point I woke up, still panicked and still grabbing at invisible bugs. It only took a moment to realize how stupid I must look to my cats and then I calmed down. I don't get freaked out easily but that damn nightmare got to me. I spent all day swatting at my legs and arms because I thought I felt things crawling on me. I felt like I normally do when I forget to do a speedball in the morning! Jokes about drug abuse aside, I still have the heebie-jeebies. I couldn't even bring myself to soak in my bathtub leech farm tonight!
And on that note I'm going to conclude this blog. I'm pretty tired so I think I'm going to go to bed and not fall asleep on my back again. Pleasant dreams all. Try and make sure you don't think about bugs while you're going to bed tonight. Leeches, leeches, leeches, spiders, bugs, snakes, Barbara Streisand's vagina. Haha, suckers!
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Fox News Lauds Akinola for his Support in the War on Terror
For the first time in historical memory, it is being reported that a Christian leader has provided at least implicit support for retaliatory violence waged against Muslims. In an article and interview written by the daughter of the former Episcopal presiding Bishop, Eliza Griswold, and originally published by Atlantic Monthly, it is suggested that an Anglican bishop has at best stood by passively as Christians murdered Muslims in response to a prior attack, and potentially offered material support.
In a small town called Yelwa in February 2004, a church was burned, and 70 Christians who were worshipping there were killed.
In response ...Two months after the church was razed, Christian men and boys surrounded Yelwa...They attacked the town. According to Human Rights Watch, 660 Muslims were massacred over the course of the next two days, including the patients in the Al-Amin clinic. Twelve mosques and 300 houses went up in flames. Young girls were marched to a nearby Christian town and forced to eat pork and drink alcohol. Many were raped, and 50 were killed...
When asked about his role in this retaliatory attack, the bishop is quoted as saying:
“No comment...No Christian would pray for violence, but it would be utterly naive to sweep this issue of Islam under the carpet.” He went on, “I’m not out to combat anybody. I’m only doing what the Holy Spirit tells me to do. I’m living my faith, practicing and preaching that Jesus Christ is the one and only way to God, and they respect me for it. They know where we stand. I’ve said before: let no Muslim think they have the monopoly on violence”...
The Episcopal Blogosphere of course lit up in condemnation of this horror, with Father Jake leading the way, and Episcopal Cafe following suit.
The response of church leadership has of course been clear and condemnatory.
The American government, meanwhile has sent this Bishop a note of thanks for his support for the war on terror.
In a small town called Yelwa in February 2004, a church was burned, and 70 Christians who were worshipping there were killed.
In response ...Two months after the church was razed, Christian men and boys surrounded Yelwa...They attacked the town. According to Human Rights Watch, 660 Muslims were massacred over the course of the next two days, including the patients in the Al-Amin clinic. Twelve mosques and 300 houses went up in flames. Young girls were marched to a nearby Christian town and forced to eat pork and drink alcohol. Many were raped, and 50 were killed...
When asked about his role in this retaliatory attack, the bishop is quoted as saying:
“No comment...No Christian would pray for violence, but it would be utterly naive to sweep this issue of Islam under the carpet.” He went on, “I’m not out to combat anybody. I’m only doing what the Holy Spirit tells me to do. I’m living my faith, practicing and preaching that Jesus Christ is the one and only way to God, and they respect me for it. They know where we stand. I’ve said before: let no Muslim think they have the monopoly on violence”...
The Episcopal Blogosphere of course lit up in condemnation of this horror, with Father Jake leading the way, and Episcopal Cafe following suit.
The response of church leadership has of course been clear and condemnatory.
The American government, meanwhile has sent this Bishop a note of thanks for his support for the war on terror.
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